Saturday, January 7, 2012

A Daughter's Realization

*image taken from google search
Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.  ~Harry Emerson Fosdick

Liberty is something that is both free and scarce during my childhood. How ironic my Dad was able to implement both. I cannot recall a single matter to which he planned my future. I cannot recall him telling what he wanted me to become. I do not remember him telling me to choose this life I have than the other way.

I do remember him being strict, though. I think I was one lifeless child then. Even if I have the freedom to choose what I want, I do not have the freedom to do most of them. Sounds confusing?

Yeah...parents do tend do be confusing...

I well-practiced my freedom during my college days. I was admitted on one of the schools I was dying to go to. I chose a course I really like, something I know I would have a chance to excel. I'd gotten myself involved on an after-school activity that would help me improve my skills. It felt like things are falling into their places. It was a cloud-nine feeling for me. I was happy I felt like I was beginning the path to my own dream.

But, while I was enjoying the peak of my freedom, one man was sitting alone at home waiting for my call, agonized by the thought I chose not to be with him. My dad never told me he didn't want me to go to that school. He never told me to enroll myself on a different course. He never told me he didn't want me to be a performer like him. He never told me he wanted me home instead!

My dad gave me a string of freedom with the other end securely attached to his hand.

I didn't understand him then. I thought he was just overdoing his "father" job.

But when things started to get messy, it was when I fully understand what he meant. When freedom is abused, it oftentimes leads to wreckage and negligence. The outcome are usually not that pleasant. Better hold on to the freedom we earn because it might save us in the future.

Now, the freedom my dad taught me to keep was the freedom I used to start my family. The freedom that helped me speak for myself and for my loved ones. The freedom I am using as a woman of this society. The freedom that helped me choose to become a mother--a path my Dad never chose for me, but a choice I know he was very proud of.

I will forever love you my dearest Papa.