Sunday, August 29, 2010

The Confessions of a Full-time Working Mom

A lot of people have been asking me why I would not let my hubby work and me stay in the house to take care of our little one. I’ve given a pretty much obvious scripted answer “This is not a good time for me to quit. When Tri turns 5, I’ll stop working and focus on his first official school year.” Although it wasn’t a direct answer at all, some of my officemates would eventually stop asking more questions. But some–to my great annoyance–would continue with their interrogation (as if me working is such a big crime!). Like, when would I allow hubby to go back to work so that there’s two of us earning money? or why not let him work abroad? or let him apply on our very own workplace?
I found all those questions absurd.
Obviously, world for parents like me and world for non-parents like them have a very thick, gigantic wall that separates our cultures, beliefs and point of views–basically totally different ways of lives. I came to understand that and I respect their views. But, one thing I cannot fathom is why a mom and wife like me working, is like…taboo to them! Let’s blame it on the Pinoy ways of being conservative (can I add “too much” before the word conservative?).
So for you guys, who have not reached the peak of being human (became a parent, in a more polite way), sorry. But I am honestly not good with verbal explanations specially if I need to let my emotions out. So, I’ve made a list for you that hopefully answers all your questions.
BTW, I am gonna give you a warning–this is based from my real emotions so, pardon me if some statements sounds harsh to you.
So, why am I still working? Well,
1st, I have a big TRUST issue. On everyone. I only trust two guys. (three, before, but since my Dad died, I only got two left). I trust myself and the other one’s for sure not you, not anyone I know. Not even hubby. Well–ok, I know that’s gotta offend him or anyone reading this. But there are just some things that I cannot depend on him, like work for example. Some guys just dont know what work ethics are. Some guys just wanna be boss all the time that they do not understand that everybody gets a position and a title by working hard on it. Some guys just dont know how to control their temper or know their limits. Some mix professional and personal life which often leads to wreckage.
Been there.
It was awful.
2nd, I started to believe that I should strike while the iron is still hot. For someone like me–an undergraduate girl who came from a struggling family–having  a job that I have right now is like seeing a comet in the dark night sky. Something I shouldn’t miss. Something that could only happen in after who-knows-how many years. When I entered the BPO industry, I’ve always know that this business isn’t that stable and some time in the future, might close and I will lose whatever I have today. Still, I told myself that as long as outsourcing works, I have work to do. And as long as they dont fire me, I’ll hold on to my job as if I am holding my son’s hand.
Well, I also have personal grudge to everyone who’s made fun of me when I was younger, like my classmates way back in grade school. Who doesn’t hate mean girls? Who doesn’t hate coming home from school crying with a broken eyeglasses or school uniform that looked like wall grafiti? I hate those years. I hate it because I cannot top them. Because our family does not have enough money back then to slap on my teachers’ faces so they can treat me like a princess. We didn’t have money. I only have a Dad who’s as diplomtic as a president or an ambassador negotiating with other parents. All the pain I endured during my younger years paid off. I am an undergrad. I didn’t pass any bar exam, no license, no nothing–just me and my guts–well, hey, I am earning twice or even three times than those mean girls are getting now! Let’s slap each other with our payslips! Yeay me! Ego–count that as my third.
4th. Practicality. The person who’s got a much more stable job, be the one to bring home the bacon. And we’re talking about huge chunks of bacon here :p
No nanny. Count that as my fifth. My son grows up with either me or hubby taking care of him. End of discussion.
Last, but not the least, I am an independent woman. I can do what a man can, even do much better than them. Not because I am a girl doesn’t mean that I dont have the right to work. History had that changed centuries ago. Women are now allowed to do what they wanna do. Women–specially wives–do not need to be stuck at home and rot taking care of the kids while husbands are out there socializing with other people. Every woman has the right to choose how to make a living and no matter what she chooses sure only means good for herself or her family. No working mom like me, chooses to work to get rid of the responsibility at home. Work outside the house is different from the work mothers and wives perform inside the house.
Well, I guess not everybody could understand this. Not everyone was born to become a wife and a mother.


I'm a full-time mummy said...

Hey Anne!

Don't be stressed with what other ppl think. As long as you're doing what's right, that's all that matters.

Similar to your case that ppl think a mother should stay home to take care of their child, I also get questions like:
- Why am I quitting my high paying job to care for Ben
- Why not hire a maid or babysitter to look after Ben and continue working

I even get questions like:
- Why are you still breastfeeding Ben? (as if 18 months = 18 years Geezzz...)
- Why are you not planning for your 2nd child already?

Bah... all sorts of questions. I have no time to entertain all this. If the time is right, then it will be done. If my heart is clear of conscience, how and what I do things will not matter.

Plus, it's not like Tri is being taken care by strangers.

thirdy_smom said...

thanks big sis for sharing, some people just don't understand what we moms had to sacrifice for our little ones... :(

Green Minded Mom Blogs said...

Hi sis.. just stumbled again on your blog.

Glad your site's up.

I wish people would stop becoming nosy about other families business. It's ok if you know that they really care for your family but most of the time you just know that they're trying to look like they know it all.

When people ask me about how I handle my family life, I always say that everything is what we have decided as husband and wife.

Hoping to see more of you in SP.

Mommy France

thirdy_smom said...

hi mommy france,
glad to see you on my page. thanks for writing your thoughts...getting opinions from moms like me made it all feel better! love your page too! following yours as I type :P hehehe

I'm a full-time mummy said...

Oh Anne, btw wanted to add, a friend of a friend of mine is a SAHM to 2 boys. But she's relying on a maid to do all her work. You ask her on who's taking care of the sons, bathing, feeding, playing, etc etc.. her answer is 'Lucky I got maid'.

So, sometimes being a SAHM doesn't mean that the person is really handling everything you know!

jareds mum said...

hello again thirdy_smom, i definitely know where you are coming from, i was also a fulltime working mom and i used to work in a call center right before i decided to stay at home to care for my baby, mind you, it wasn't easy leaving the job i've had for almost five years but just like you i have no regrets in turning into a fulltime sahm for my baby..don't let these people dampen your enthusiasm, it is still your business anyway that you decided to work and own up to it!be proud!at the end of the day, a mother's got to do what a mother's got to do and when it comes to what's best for our child, i really do think we are the expert, ayt?and to that sahm mom who has her househelp doing all the dirty work, shame on her!

thirdy_smom said...

hi jared's mum. oh you used to be on BPO too? stressful isn't it? sometimes being a mum and a career woman is just too handful. and you were right, a mom's got to do what a mom's got to do! :)

thanks for dropping by, I appreciate it! God bless