Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Who Ya Callin' Big, Huh?!

If there is one topic I don't really want to discuss, THIS IS IT.

Weight. Weight. Weight. More weight.

Fat. Chubby. Obese. Oversized. Plus-sized. Large.

Oh--yeah, they are jargons, aren't they?

I hoped they were jargons ever since the fist day I started school. Weight has been an ongoing issue for me. I remember how my grade school classmates would call me names, or compare my food intake or look at me like I am a piece of crap they need to face everyday. I've cried so many times but crying didn't make me thin.

My dad would tell me: "So what if you're chubby? Look at them! They are skinny and gangly--they look neglected! And you're only healthy but not chubby, they are skinny so as their brains!"

And that is why I love my Dad. :)

After grade school, I worked hard to have a "normal" built. I played volleyball and badminton and ate less. By the start of sophomore, I was as normal as I can achieve. I wasn't contented with volleyball alone so I got myself a tae-bo workout video so I can contour my body at home, before and after school. That was the peak of my glory! And damn--were there boys calling me at home!

Of course, my Dad hated the idea that I am stressing myself too much of achieving the body I want. He said, me being skinny looks like "a drug addict he once knew".

I was able to maintain that until I got my current job.

Things changed around December of 2008. People have been noticing a change on my figure months after I gave birth. And I was like, "nothings changed...just the depo jabs I'm getting" and I thought my normal life will remain the same.

The worst arrived 2009.

I felt like I was back in grade school. People are teasing me, calling me names, laugh at my figure...but unlike grade school, I can shrug things off now.

Because I AM A MOM. I believe that moms have the right to gain weight during, while and after pregnancy. I see my weight as a symbol of my responsibility to my son. My weight is not a hinder for me to achieve the other things I want. My weight cannot stop me from loving my family and most of all--hating the people who kept pulling me down ever since day 1. I am a much stronger person because of what I am now.

As hubby once said: "Do not hate what you look like. Tell me, how do you become like that? You got pregnant, got busy taking care of me and Tri, took the responsibility of choosing contraceptives that you know would make you bloat just so we won't have unexpected pregnancy. Hating your body tells me you hate our SON. Because that all happened when he came to our world, right?" (of course this was stated in Filipino but a lot more cornier version so I had to translate it in English).

Now, I have these extra pounds (I even joke I can be match for sparring for pacquiao!), I have all these arms flabs, stretch marks everywhere and the belly pouch...depression came to me, people even made fun of me...but that wont let me down.
I am a mother and my weight symbolizes what I became to be after my son was born. mischief


Hephaestion said...

love love love!!! BTW.. cant wait till friday!!! wooohhh!!! partey partey partey!!!

thirdy_smom said...

Josh!!!! i miss you